today

one bowl cheerios+unsweetened almond milk (120 cal)

two shrimp tacos (400 cals)

+alcohol, alcohol, alcohol. (1000s of cals?)

i ran/walk 6 miles really weakly. i spent the last five days in the arms of a lover, so it’s been tough to eat well or exercise at all. i doubt i’ve made any progress so far, but today i signed up for cross fit and a new gym as of this evening, so there you go.

GOALS

headed home in two months. last time everyone saw me i was anorexic (82 lbs at my going away party) and after two healing years, intensive in and outpatient treatment, seamless, good friends+margaritas, and falling in love with a man with a belly, i’m up up up and around 135 pounds. not overweight, but not comfortable wearing shorts or tank tops anymore.

i dont want to be back where i was, but i want to be comfortable in my own skin. 115, maybe? or at least fit. focusing on weight loss in shoulders and hips. i’m trying to ease myself back into calorie-counting and fitness without going nuts or swinging around too much. Yesterday was my last disgusting day, and it was particularly disgusting, but just to give myself a shitty foundation to work away from:

-1 piece of goodbye pizza for breakfast

-1 bowl of brussel sprouts steamed in chicken broth, 1 banana

-so much deli meat that i felt shitty about it

-sushi with my brother for dinner (fried, white ricey, mayoey goodness that i will miss very much)

-2 glasses of wine, one with a splash of juice

I did anaerobic exercise for an hour (squats and shoulders) and ran 4 miles in a weak way.

The exercise was good but the food was not. I’m saying today (june 4th) is day one. One boca patty down, two hours in the gym to go!